There’s still time to join for this online book study and we’d LOVE to have you! Click here to find out more.
Friends,
My name is Jan. I am a wife, mom, daughter, friend, pastor and cancer survivor. I’m sure you could give a similar list of roles and responsibilities. All of these names are precious to me and help shape my life, but who I am at my core is a woman.
Women are uniquely fashioned by God with a divine destiny and a powerful purpose. I haven’t always known this to be true. There was a time when I thought women were my enemy. I wrote Women at War to help girls just like me take a journey from isolation to friendship; from wound to healing; from war to peace.
Whether you already know the joy and power of healthy female relationships or you are still in the midst of finding your way – there is room for you, your experiences and your perspective in this on-line book study.
So let’s talk about it. I’ll share my experience and I hope you will share yours too. Together, we can start a revolution of love.
Your friend,
Jan
Here we are – women joined together because there is something inside of us that hears about a book, an idea, that Women are at War and we know this is true. We bear the scars of relationships past and we know that the war has been raging and some of us are barely alive behind walls built thick to keep the enemy out. The enemy is us – our own gender. We’ve been the victim and have dealt our own blows with hurtful words, cold shoulders and plain old meanness.
But we, you and I, are here because we’ve heard the sounds of the trumpet in the distance. It’s calling us to a new tactic. It’s a call to seek God for healing, be filled with truth and spread the contagion of love – radical love – love that is determined to fight for and spread unity. It’s a call to a new war. A war where we know who the real enemy is and we unite together to fight against him and not one another. Are you ready?
If you haven’t yet, go read the introduction to Women at War and come back here and let’s dig in:
Some of the questions that came to mind while reading the Introduction were:
Question 1: What attributes do I associate with the word woman? When I think about the words Jan used in the introduction to describe the word woman, can I see those things in myself and in other women?
“Then the word woman can be defined by such words as wise, influential, beautiful, dynamic, purposeful, visionary, authentic, graceful, dignified, merciful, compassionate, life giving.”
Question 2: How do I see myself and my own womanhood? Negatively? Positively?
Question 3: In what ways does the culture we live cause me to mistrust women?
“The culture we live in confirms their fears by constantly promoting the attitude that women are competitive, slanderous and malicious. We embrace these lies and end up despising our own gender.”
Question 4: Am I ready to take a hard look at the wounds I have, surrender them to God and let Him heal my misconceptions and redefine the word woman for me?
“How wonderful would it be if we could change the way women view themselves and one another and, as a result, change the way we are perceived by the world?”
We want to hear from you! Would you introduce yourself? Click on “leave a comment” above and tell us where you are from and what you do. What are your thoughts on the questions above? What are you most hoping to get out of reading the book and studying it together with other women? Let’s chat in the comments just like we were sitting around a cozy room with big comfy couches together. Let’s get to know one another and share our hearts. Feel free to ask Jan questions about the introduction (we’ll dive into the other chapters in the following weeks so let’s stay on the introduction for now).
Meet us back here again next week for Discussion of Chapter 1. Be sure to read the chapter this week, answer the questions and the end and be ready to share what God is doing in your heart. If you haven’t yet signed up to get email notifications about the study you can do so here.
Very good information. Lucky me I came across your blog by chance (stumbleupon).
I have book-marked it for later!
ask recently posted..ask
Hey everyone! My name is Stephanie. I actually saw this study posted not long ago and wanted to join, but I just now got my hands on the book so I am playing a little catch up! I am a wife of 3 years to my husband, Noah (who actually works at Gateway!) and mom to my beautiful 9 month old baby girl, Ellie. I own a small business from home selling baby girl items such as headbands and bracelets, but my true passion is being a stay at home mom. I LOVE it!!!
Question 1:
I am starting this study on the perfect day, as I was deeply hurt by a woman’s words just a couple of hours ago. Growing up I’ve only ever been close to a select few women. Other then these few I have had a negative view on women and the word “woman.” That word described a person who is emotional and caddy. Who speaks with slander, with a desire to harm you with her tongue. Who is dishonest and rude. Thankfully I did not get this view from a family member, rather from friends and acquaintances. Because of this I have always said I prefer to hang out with ‘the guys’. That was until I got married and suddenly I was not willing to disrespect my husband by being alone with another man. Therefore, I was forced to nurture my friendships with women.
In the past few years and months I have been blessed with God connecting me to women who do not carry the negative attributes, rather the ones listed such as wisdom, beauty, compassion. I am grateful that God has blessed me with these women and has taught me through them how to carry those attributes myself. No one is perfect and I understand that, and obviously there are going to be hateful women in the world, but through God’s grace I can choose to react with His attributes and live more like Him.
Question 2:
I think my own view of being a woman has really transformed in the past few years and even months. I have attended Gateway’s Pink Impact the past 3 years, which has played an important role in defining my womanhood into a positive. Then when I got pregnant with my daughter and had an extremely complicated pregnancy, and through her delivery, that positive view was further strengthened. Having a daughter has shown me the desire and need to be a strong, positive woman so that she can one day grow up to be the same.
Question 3:
Unfortunately I believe we live in a culture where it’s ok to hurt people and treat them like less then a human. People are quick to condemn for mistakes, speak slanderous words and even degrade a person for no apparent reason. Our culture encourages this behavior, especially among women, making them believe that they will succeed in this world if they act that way and even that they are better then or more important then their neighbor.
Question 4:
I am not only ready but I am excited to take a look at my wounds, surrender them and heal. I want to be a light to women around me and raise my daughter and future children to know what a Godly woman looks like!
My name is Tracey. I am an Office Manager for a small business and a wife to a wonderful husband for almost 3 years. I am an advocate for women at a pregnancy center. I love to write and read. My best friend for more than 12 years bought me this book so we could do the study together.
What is really awesome, is I was praying that the Lord would help me to love ladies (mostly my age) with a true, genuine love, and to have real, deep relationships with them, and the very next day, my friend gave me this book as a surprise. I think this book is my prayer being answered, and look forward to God working on my heart.
Question 1: The attributes I associate with the word “woman” are- defensive, dynamic (love that word) thoughtful, and complex. When I think about myself, I would associate myself with the attributes I listed above.
Question 2: I see myself just now really pulling back the layers of trying to figure out “womanhood” and all that it entails. The Lord has recently brought me out of a mind set of constant insecurity, and I am learning each day to love who I am as a woman, so it has been quite the process of learning to reach my full potential as a woman, and I know I have much more to learn.
Question 3: The culture we live in has caused me to mistrust women by the way they exhibit women. Just the fashion alone makes me not want to trust some women. It’s easy to see a woman dressed promiscuously, and automatically judge her and assume she is out to steal your man.
Question 4: I am so ready to surrender to God to change my heart and heal the wounds that have been caused by woman. Being in the ministry at the pregnancy center, has shown me the dire need for me to really love them by showing God’s love for them, and it is challenging, if you struggle deep down inside to really love them.
What comes to my mind first with the word woman is beauty, strength, and drive.
Most import relationships for me would be my mom and sibling. They were not the most positive mostly due to living in a non cristian home. However it was a sweet friend who had the courage to ask me to church and was saved at age 8.
I knew I was in war at age 13 when i wanted to take my own life. i had suddenly felt worthless and perhaps God never intended on me being here or maybe He simply forgot about me.
Jesus took hold of me one night on the floor of my closet and told me that He does not make junk. His works are beautiful and priceless. I began to surround my room with biblical quotes to help keep my spirits lifted in the dark place where I lived that room always seemed brighter than the rest of the house.
JAN! I purchased your book while at Pink, your comment about dropping the hand grenade hit a nerve with me. I have been the thrower and the receiver in that scenario, which I hate to admit.I missed last weeks introduction but plan on catching up this week. Thank you for becoming a mentor to me!!
I’m a little behind on posting…I’ll probably always be the woman that “turns in my stuff” a few days late! :)
My name is Alison Delicati, and I’m excited to have a book study to hold me accountable for doing something for the betterment of myself. I would describe myself, as one of the women in my Gateway small group coined, as a “baby Christian.” While raised in a Christian (Catholic) house, I participated in the ritual and tradition that was my religion at that time, but I have not experienced my faith until more recently in my adult life.
1. What attributes come to mind when I hear the word woman…To be very honest, what first comes to mind is that beautiful silhouette sticker that you often see in the back window of large, manly looking trucks. You know the one I’m talking about- the woman silhouette is sitting with her long legs out stretched, knees arched, hands holding her up, back perfectly straight, long flowing hair; and…well, you can picture the rest. I am a victim of society, and those are the “attributes” that initially come to mind- Interestingly, attributes that I really have yet to see in my everyday reality- in the mirror, walking down the street, etc.
Regarding Jan’s more eloquent description of women, I actually do see and experience women who exude those attributes- never really all at once, but I’ve seen women with personality strengths like this in the workplace, childrens’ playgroups, small groups at church, etc. But as another woman commented and alluded to, intermixed with these qualities, I do see those less-than-desirable-but-we’re-made-to-believe-by-society-are-needed-for-survival attributes.
Do Jan’s words describe me? Or do I at least see myself in those ways? Did she use the word witty? Well then, No. Unfortunately, her words do not describe me. I am the woman that needs this book. Yesterday, I went for a casual run with three girlfriends, and I found myself hearing the patter of feet too close to me, so I immediately picked up the pace. Never mind that my headband fell off- There’s more where that came from. I needed to be in the lead, keep the lead, and finish with a lead. Of our casual run.
How does our culture cause me to mistrust women… In my opinion, society (western world) through the venue of media, does not display Christian women role-models- Godly Women- that teach us to trust. What we see, hear, and in many ways are conditioned to idolize, are the women at war- the ones that scratch, bite and slap…those are the ones that have ‘made it’ in whatever realm you define as ‘making it.’
Am I ready for what God has in store? Absolutely. I need this book. And I need the accountability of this study to force me to discuss, read, and ultimately hear what God is calling me to be.
Hi Alison,
Welcome to the study! So glad you are joining in! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing.
I totally get the seeing women as that sticker. Haven’t we all felt like we were supposed to live up to that at some point? Praying that we come to appreciate ourselves in a greater way as we study together.
Blessings,
Kristin
Hi Alison,
Witty!! I love witty! And I love a bit of a competitor too. I’m grateful you are stopping by and I’m grinning from ear to ear. Thanks for contributing. Keep it up!
Blessings,
Jan
Hello, I’m Annette. I was born and raised in this great State of Texas. Proud Christian woman married for 26 years but we dated 4 years before we were married so technically, I feel we are merited 30 years (lol) As a young couple searching for who WE are in Christ, we waited 13 years to start our wonderful family. We have been blessed with our beautiful & intelligent daughter, Makayla 13 years old and our handsome stellar son, Matthew 10 years old.
1. As a woman, I can relate with all attributes Jan shared. I would add to our list, approachable and engaged. No matter if I am out with my children for a birthday parties, friends out to eat or by myself picking up groceries, I have not met a stranger. When I do speak with them, I am eager and totally engaged in what that person has to say.
2. Very positive in my womanhood. Yes, I have my share of negative days but I don’t spend a lot of my energy in that area. I pray about the negative to gain a positive ground to stand on and push forward with what God has for me around the corner.
3. When I was a young woman, I did not have the guidance from my parents. My mom was a single parent of four girls, she carried the role of mom and dad in our household. I learned the hard way in and out of constructive and destructive relationships with woman. We are really mean when we want to be but SO compassionate when we wipe a tear. Surviving the battlefields and the painful wounds, I could relate to the “introduction” because I do not want to pass along this kind of relationship inheritance to my daughter or son.
4. While attending Pink Impact 2013, I ran to Jan’s table to purchase the book for me and my daughter. I do want to faithfully surrender the wounds to my Father, clean up the misconceptions and heal with the motivation to build a model for many generations to come in our family.
Tomi, I love the picture of quiet strenth, too (thumbs up)!!
Hi Annette,
So glad you have joined us! You sound like the kind of person that I would want to run into when I am out. :)
How neat that you are having your daughter read the book too! I have been thinking I would like to study it together with my oldest 3 daughters together.
Look forward to getting to know you!
Blessings,
Kristin
Annette,
Love for our daughters changes everything – even how we view our own upbringing. I can’t wait to hear more of your perspective. Since you’ve never met a stranger I’m counting on you to add to our conversation often. I’m excited to hear from you.
Jan
Hello! My name is Nellie. I am a mom raising 2 boys ages 9 and 11 years old. To describe myself I am a daughter of God, wife, mom, homeschool teacher, women’s ministry team member, Bible Study leader, blogger, and encourager. I have a passion to teach women to be who they are in Christ instead of what culture influences us to be.
1) As for the role of a woman, I define them as nurturers, teachers, managers, instruments of encouragers. I can definitely see Jan’s definition in the word woman. We are wise, influential, beautiful, dynamic, purposeful, visionary, authentic, graceful, dignified, merciful, compassionate, and life giving. However, in the culture today some of those have been lost because of who we need to be to survive in the world.
Question 2: How do I see myself and my own womanhood? Negatively? Positively? I think it depends on the situation. For the most part it is positive because I choose to see myself as God tells all His Children to see themselves. The negative is when needing to deal with situations in the world were being a woman can be looked at as lesser or not have knowledge.
Question 3: In what ways does the culture we live cause me to mistrust women? The world has distorted the positive description of woman to make those a negative description. We are to be strong which lends to not asking for help. We are to be able to do all which lends to feeling inadequacy when we can’t. We are can not be authentic or it is weakness. Mistrust comes from the lost of generational teaching that relationships with others women should be valuable, sacred, and needed.
Question 4: Am I ready to take a hard look at the wounds I have, surrender them to God and let Him heal my misconceptions and redefine the word woman for me? Definitely, God has been working on this within me for about two years now. God has shown me that this is my purpose and passion to teach women we need to break these chains and teach the generations coming behind us.
I began reading this book about a month ago and love it. I am so excited to learn more so that I can begin teaching other women. I am so thankful to be part of this Book Study.
Hi Nellie, I just love your name! So glad that you are joining in the conversation about Women at War. Don’t we need more women who are encouragers in our lives? Love that you are one!
Blessings, Kristin
Hi Nellie,
Thanks for reading and for joining in. I’m a mom of boys, too! Mine are 13, 16 and 18. Everyday they teach me something new. I love that you love women…and are leading them to wholeness. Shared passion!
Blessings,
Jan
Kristin,
Can you tell us how to add a picture icon to our comments like you and Jan have? I’d love to see all of our beautiful faces!
Hi Michelle,
Yes! to get your picture:
1. go to https://en.gravatar.com/site/login
2. sign up with the email address that you use when you comment on this and other blog posts.
3. upload a photo of yourself
4. you will have the opportunity to crop it
5. Your all set. It should show up whenever you comment on this or other WordPress blogs.
:)
Let me know if you have any questions!
*I know I am late I am sorry I didn’t fully understand that we were supposed to post here at first. This is my first online study group. I am so excited to dive into this book with you all!
Hi there! My name is Jessica and I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, photographer, graphics designer, leader, me. I am wife to the man I met when I was 11. Mom to 4 “littles” ranging in age from 7-10.
1. I think it is interesting as I tried to answer this first question there was a bit of a tug-o-war in my ideas and beliefs. My belief system has been so wreck or derail in the last 2 years. I can honestly say that 2 years ago my definition look something like this:
WOMAN – derogatory, unsafe, catty, judgmental, cold, disconnected, a measurement or standard that is unattainable, back-biters, unloyal, not trustworthy, fake and just mean.
I have been on a bit of a journey the last two years and I would say that my definition of a woman has been radically changed and it has in moments stopped me cold in my tracks and forced me to reconsider my filter. Women, are delicate, loving, friends, nurturers, team mates, wise, critical thinkers, compassionate, graceful, operate daily (especially moms) giving so much mercy, selfless, loyal, accepting, a warm and safe place to seek comfort…I could go on. I can and have absolutely seen all of these attributes in other women. I do see these traits in myself there are still some that I am working on but I love the work I have seen the Lord do in my life over the last few years.
2. I would say I see myself positively but like I think most people (women) I have moments when even I am too hard on myself.
3. The culture we live in today says, trust no one, every (wo)man for (her)himself, do what you have to do to be on top, and then there is the Martha Stewart mentality. Perfect food, decor, house, family and even dog; you could never measure up to the magazine/tv standard. Culture today screams, you can keep trying but you will never be good enough. So the mistrust I think comes when women are willing to step on, hurt, gossip, or do what ever they have to do to claim their space in this world. It is like we are striving for permission to exist and be noticed.
4. I love, love, love having every opportunity to continue down the road of freedom and healing. The women, friends…who I like to think of as my sister-friends that have become such treasures in my heart, whom I have locked arms with and looked at the horizon determining in my heart the chant of, “let’s do this thang”. They are the ones that make my heart go pitter-patter when it comes to continuing to redefine the word woman.
Love this, loved the introduction and am excited to dive in and get messy and then get free. Thanks Jan & Kristin for the opportunity :)
~jess
Hi Jess,
Thank you for joining in and sharing your heart openly. I loved this line “It is like we are striving for permission to exist and be noticed.” Yes! I’m excited for the journey with you where we get “messy and then get free!”
Blessings,
Kristin
Jessica – I’m so excited to see you hear and to learn of the radical work the Lord has already done in your heart and life about women. I’m longing for all of us to experience this kind of revolution of love. I’ll look forward to your comments!
Blessings,
Jan
I’m Christin and I’m from Michigan. :) I have seven children—two are still in Africa waiting to come home.
For Question 1, the first thing that comes to mind hearing “woman” is competition. Often, we associate such words with men. But I see it everywhere–we want to live up to or surpass each others standards of living…whether it’s as a wife, a mother, a homemaker, a leader, a hospitality artist, you name it. We want to be better then the next gal. And this causes problems in spurring one another on.
Question 2, how I see myself is still quite muddy. I’m not sure! I see a lot of failures, to be honest. Just yesterday I prayed out loud that I wouldn’t fail today. My history includes my parents divorce and that complicates how I view myself based on how they valued me.
Question 3, I’d say culture has divided women further by confusing our roles. This has put a line in the side and we yell back and forth at one another trying to convince each other why what we are doing is right and the other is wrong.
Question 4, Yes I’m ready and really, I believe God has been working on this with me for years already.
I hope this book can help break down some walls as we study it together!
Question 2 answer should read “This has put a line in the sand”, not “side”. :D
I just love you and your heart Christin! So agree with the line in the sand and yelling over part. We so desperately need to see each other as God sees us.
So thrilled you are joining in the study and excited to get to see what God does in our hearts while we dig deeper into His heart for women.
Blessings,
Kristin
Christin,
Welcome aboard and thanks for participating. I often see myself through muddy eyes as well. I’m believing some clarity is coming to all of us and that our view is going to be reset by the things we learn and see. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
Jan
Hi! I have not yet gotten the book but will this week! I live in Keller, Tx. My friend Ami Evans invited me to this study.
Looking forward to see what The Lord has for each of us! Resting in His presence!
Kristi Blair
So glad you are joining us Kristi!! Welcome!
-Kristin
Thank you! Ami got it for me today. I will get it tomorrrow! Will try and catch up asap! looking forward to God’s direction through this study! Thanks for your serving heart!
Hi Kristi!
Hope you got your copy – welcome!
Jan
This is Nancy again. In my original post, I neglected to mention one thing about myself. I am now a ONE YEAR breast cancer survivor. These survivor sisters rock, let me tell you. I recently watched Jan’s story on Beyond the Shock. Many of the emotions came swelling back.
AWESOME! Congratulations Nancy! Wow, praising God with you right now.
Blessings,
Kristin
Hi Nancy,
Well being a one year survivor is a big deal! Might be my favorite thing about you so far. Welcome to the study. So glad you are joining in!
Blessings,
Jan
My name is Nancy. I work from an office at home. My husband is college professor and we have one adult son who lives out of state. I put a high priority on our home being a place of “grace”, “rest” and “comfort” for my marriage and for our friends. In fact those 3 words form the motto for our house and are displayed in the entry hall. The number on my driver’s license says 64, though that seems outlandish to me. Inside I think I’m…oh 44. I share my office with Lexie, who has the Golden soul characteristic of her breed.
Looking at question 1, I can easily identify these woman-traits in many other individuals. I could even give you immediate names. However…in myself??? Not so sure about “dynamic, beautiful or life-giving”.
#2. Most days, I see myself positively. However, the big challenge is when I start comparing my achievements, abilites and circumstances to those of other women.
#3. Whether it is culture-induced or inborn, women seem to be continually sizing one another up…physically, materially, professionally. We can assess and measure the status of
women and mentally assign ourselves a place on the scale.
#4 I am SO-O-O ready to take the hard look and allow God to heal my misconceptions.
I am loyal, full of feelings, creative, welcoming and a good listener. I hold myself and my GF’s to high standards. This I recognise as perfectionism, which is of great value in my embroidery business, though not helpful in relationships. I confess to feelings of disappointment and grief when circumstances of friendships change. I am ever on the lookout for new sister (never had one) or another daughter (that either). At times I long for a maternal figure to turn to for comfort and support. Over the years, I see myself as a good friend…not the most gregarious at the party, but with a loyal and sensitive soul, just like Lexie!
Nancy,
I loved reading about you. You are the kind of woman that I look up to and admire. I aspire to have a home that is also full of grace, rest and comfort. I am sure I could learn so very much from you.
So grateful that you are joining us on this journey!
Blessings,
Kristin
Hello,
My name is Christie and I look forward to gleaning much wisdom during this study. I serve in my church’s women’s ministry, by coordinating and leading bible study. We are experiencing wonderful growth both spiritually and in numbers in our congregation, and with that comes navigating new areas.
I have witnessed, and unfortunately been victim to these sneaky tactics of the enemy. if he can get us assuming things that are untrue, then our sinful pride enters in, and he just steps back while we tear each other down.
I am ready to see women disarm our enemy, hold each other up while holding each
Chri
My Bible study group just reviewed most of Deuteronomy last night aimportance of walking humbly, and really loving well was our focus.
Sorry for the incomplete post :) I was using my kindle and was having difficulty navigating.
I am ready to see women disarm our enemy, hold each other up while holding each other accountable.
My bible study group just studied and reviewed most of Deuteronomy last night and the theme we focused on was walking humbly before God and man, loving God sincerely and people as well.
The attributes I associate with women- insecure, vulnerable, manipulative, competitive, vain, passionate, compassionate, nuturing, giving, loving.
I think our society, culture, and media tend to perpetuate the competitivness, insecurity & vanity of women.
I have been victim to, been party to and witnessed this behavior. It is always most discouraging when you see it going on within the church, where we long that to be a safe place. Unless we address the issues within ourselves, we can never expect more from those we do life with.
This word is most definitely in season, and I cannot wait to dig deeper with you ladies. I will be praying for all of you. Christie
Hi Christie – welcome!
Congratulation on your leadership role and the blessing of growth. It does bring challenges, but good ones. I love your quote – “Unless we address the issues within ourselves, we can never expect more from those do life with.” That’s tweetable and truth! That’s why I hope this study will help us to look both within ourselves and our culture and begin a transformation that happens within us first.
Glad you’ve chosen to come along.
Jan
Hi! I’m so excited and honored to be with you all! I’m so thrilled about this book and the open conversations that’s allowing women to begin to break the chains of insecurity.
I am a wife and have 2 bonus teen sons. I am surrounded by masculinity, even the dog is a boy. It is easy to feel less than or like I don’t belong, therefore denying my womanhood. When I think of women, the word insecure comes to mind, as I already mentioned. It has been my experience personally and professionally as a counselor of women that self-judgment leads to a distorted perception of how other women judge us and then we react based on assumption and not the truth. I think we have to break the war with ourselves to be free to have healthy women relationships.
My journey, with God by my side, into womanhood really began as I approached my 30’s. My marriage to my high school sweetheart had come to an end. My identity had been so entangled in the relationship and I did not have a clue who I was. I drew closer to God to know Him more and began to learn how he created me as a woman. I got to know me for the first time in my life and began to accept me. I think my struggle as a woman is from my experience of not knowing or using my woman voice in the past to now using it in an overbearing, “I’ll prove to you my worth”, and prideful way. I want to be more gentle and grow in quiet strength that has been referred to. I find the more I allow the Spirit to lead me and not my insecurity I am able to walk in my womanhood with confidence and security. I look forward to going and growing deeper with you! Thank you Jan for this gift!
Hi Ami!
Loved your post. I’m surrounded by a lot of masculinity myself – three teenage boys and my husband. I’m always grateful for my oldest child, Ashley – she makes me feel like being a girl is fun. I can relate to discovering who I am in my 30’s. I think it’s true for many of us. There’s a time that comes to each of us when we begin to value who we are more than who we are not. I’ll look forward to your input.
thanks,
Jan
Hi I’m Lynnell and I’m 56 and married to the Love of my life and have an amazing Daughter that’s 19 in College. I was so excited when I heard Jan was writing this book and the subject matter.
For the answers to these Questions is much different since I got into my 50’s than when I was younger. I married later in life (35) and struggled with getting pregant and having miscarriages and defined myself by being JUST a stay at home Mom. But thankful I was a stay at home Mom and after 19+ yrs wouldn’t trade it for the world, so when I hear WOMEN I think mom, wife, having a purpose, giving, servant.
I see myself for the positive as a giving woman and servant and hospitiable
A negative maybe not as forgiving as I want to be,to myself and others, but that’s a work in progress daily.
With the change in life with social media, TV, magazine’s etc. so many don’t want to show the true self because we are told daily that your suppose to be one way and living at home another. So many women are so fearful of what others might think? myself included (even tho with age I’m much better) That we can’t measure up. Over the years of trusting other women and getting burned I finally learned to step back and look for women that are authentic to draw myself too.
As a member of Gateway Church in SLK I am SOOOO blessed beyond words that we have an amazing Freedom Ministry Team and Church that embraces your fears, faults and more and equips us to be what God wants for us and to see ourselves the way he see’s us. That is a daily mountain I climb, but can say it’s getting easier.
I think with age and wisdom we learn to valve ourselves and to love ourselves and this book is a huge help there!! Thank you Jan for sharing your heart and wisdom to so many women!! I am blessed to have you as a friend!
Hi friend,
So glad you are here! Hope you know I think you are awesome.
Love,
Jan
Lynnell,
I loved getting to know you here – I have been around you at church but never had a real conversation with you. Thanks for sharing, it will be a delight to explore our identities as women alongside you!!
Tomi
Hello! My name is Courtney and I’m a wife, mom, writer & blogger, musician and home-schooling teacher. I love reading books with wisdom and depth…which is one reason I love this one!
1. Woman…I have such a paradox of words that come to mind, the battle between the influence of the Word and the world: emotional, frailty, overcoming strength, beauty, deceived (about issues of worth and beauty, etc)…
2. I think I see my own womanhood positively until I feel that my emotions or hormones are “getting in the way” of clear/right thinking.
3. This culture highlights the cattiness of some women, making that seem like the norm.
4. God has been working on changing my way of thinking in so many ways over the years…and the work continues! I’m excited to go deeper in this book and see what ways still need to be addressed and surrendered to Him.
Hi i am jenni hall, i am 36 and live in abilene. I am ecited to be apart, i am a bit behind due to a accident last week and have not connected with my womens leader to get my book, but read just was here and will catch up. I am single and can not have my own children, but i work with kids in my church and were i am needed, i do not work which ets me do my heart desire, ministry. I am on my churchs womens ministry being trained, am doing the stuff. God has callwd me to work with women and children and it is a passion. Because of my own experience when it comes to women i too am learning women are not my enemies. I cant answer the question as far as what dear sweet jan said, but i can say what God has been teachig me, the things that come to mind is together, joy together. 2) my own, because of life i have notice i have a hard time seeimg myself as a women, lol i know i am, but.. i am having fun discovering who i am, i am ok to be funny and its ok to be in someways carefree. I am liking myself more and more, but most importantly i do not have to conform to what others want me to be. 3) because society. Looks down at those who are my age and do not have children and are not married it leaves a bitter taste. I get questions of are u gay, my answer is no, i just havent found who God wants for me. I also get “advice” of you have to…….., NO i don’t. I also freak ppl out because i am not sexually active, no I firmly believe what God says about sex before marriage, and i can do it only thru him. It does not make me less then or crazy, I am just who He has made me to be. And i can minister to others just as well as those who are married. 4) am I ready to look at the wounds and attitude. Towards women, yes, it maytouch on some sensitive areas, but He has put me in a group of women(who is also doing this study) who have been blowing away everything i tought, up til this last season of our Oneheart group my words were “I don’t do women” now its been “Ok Lord you said it lets go” also, i forgot to add, i raised my sisters kiddos, two until adulthood and four for five yrs til they went to live with their father.
Hi Jennifer –
Great to see you here on the book study and even more great to hear that you are doing well. I look forward to hearing more from you! I miss you – guess this will be our chance to catch up!
Blessings,
Jan
Hi everyone. I’m a 41 year old SAHM with two young boys, ages 1 and 3. We struggled carrying a pregnancy to term so these two little ones are truly miracles. I hadn’t planned on being a SAHM, but my first born came at 30 weeks and God used his fragile life to humble me and now I’m a SAHM and I love it!
I’m preschooling my boys at home and I blog about it at http://HappyandBlessedHome.com. Whatever I learn about preschooling I share on my blog as well as encouraging words for moms and ideas for family fun.
Your book “Women at War” unexpectedly opened a can of worms for me. I manage to be a highly functioning “wounded” with plenty of heartbreak from women close to me. But I also have an equal force of women in my life who are life-givers and a source of great encouragement to me. That and the love of Christ keeps me going and my cup runneth over with blessings to share.
Q1: Woman means “life-giver”, nurturer, creative, care-giver, and a soft place to fall. I refuse to let any negative experiences I have taint my opinion of others.
Q2: I love being a woman and I view my role positively. I believe God designed me for this role as well as the time and place that I live out my life for Him.
Q3: I’m not sure its the culture that makes me mistrust women. I don’t mistrust women, I’m just cautious to trust them. I think there is wisdom in not throwing your pearls to swine (male or female) and guarding your heart. But Jesus, He gets my reckless abandon.
Q4: I’m not sure that I’m ready to open up my war wounds – they are fresh and occurring regularly. I’ve just been learning to adjust my expectations – expect nothing and whatever you get is a bonus. When my cistern runs dry, I know where there is a well that never does so I like to focus on going to Him when I need to be refreshed.
Hi Monica,
I’m laughing at myself because I had to go google what SAHM means – stay at home mom! I’ve been one of those! My years at home with my children are some of my most precious memories. I hate to hear about those can of worms – but let me encourage you – God will help you work through them. The fact that you are in the midst of experiencing some women wounds tells me that God is answering your prayers. He’s going to show you some alternative responses and some hidden spiritual truths. You are soon going to be better equipped to change your world. Can’t wait to hear more from you!
Jan
Love the SAHM…. never saw that!!
Hello! My name is Michelle. I am 42, and a wife, mom of 6 (2 bio, 4 bonus/step) ages 18-8, artist, aspiring writer, daughter, Food Network fanatic, and violin student (insane but so much fun!). We live in Keller, Texas, but are soon to be moving to the great state of Pennsylvania, preparing to plant a life-giving church centered on the presence and power of God. We are soooo excited and honored to answer this call! I have worked in women’s healthcare for almost 20 years, specifically in breast cancer detection (yep, I’m the one on the other end of the mammogram machine!). I’ve spent most of the last few years also walking many women through the first steps of a breast cancer diagnosis as a care coordinator. As difficult as it is some days, seeing women in that pivotal moment of life has been a privilege. They have taught me so much.
1. Women have an indescribable strength. And I love how Tomi describes it as a quiet strength..such fitting words. No wonder the enemy fears us, especially if we are united together. We ARE life-givers in every way.
2. For the most part, I’ve had a positive view of my own womanhood. But it’s taken some time to arrive there, and I’d love to see our next generation of women get there sooner. I spent years struggling with my identity and definitions of what a woman truly is.
3. Because the culture in general devalues women, I think we see ourselves as needing to prove our worth and value, even sometimes at the expense of de-valuing the men in our lives, causing a “backfire” somewhat in elevating and esteeming femininity the right way. There seems to be such a false version of the truth out there about who we really are as women. I’d love for us to be a part of changing that.
4. I am absolutely ready! I am praying the Lord will show me things that I have not even recognized….things that He truly wants to heal and restore to His design. And I especially want to do that for my girls…to be an example to them.
I’m very excited to get to know everyone! I did another online study years ago, and it was fun to make friends this way. I love the illustration of us all sitting around a coffee table chatting!
Hi friend,
Thanks for joining! You know I love you! You are a great encourager of women. Speak up!
Jan
Thank you for being the example of an encourager! You lead me to speak up by your example!
When are ya’ll moving?? Sad to see you go! But know God has BIG plans for ya’ll!!
Hi Lynnell!
We are planning to move some time in the summer, hoping to get settled before kids have to start back to school. But it’s all in His hands and timing, so we are walking each step as it comes. Getting the house market-ready right now.
Leaving K here since she is at TKUG…first one to not be in the nest…..AHHHHHH!!! Excited for her but my mama’s heart aches a little. I know you can relate!
This is a GREAT time to sell the house!! K will do wonderful!! And yes this momma knows that heart achy!!!! With God in control all will go perfect!!!
Michelle,
Yeah!! I am so excited to see you here!! I miss working alongside you, but am SO excited to see the amazing places God has for you to claim for His Kingdom!!!! Love you, Tomi
My dear friend Tomi, I miss working alongside you as well. Can’t wait to interact with you here..you are such a treasure chest of wisdom!
Hi!! My name is Kelly. I’m a wife, mom, sister, mother-in-law, and grandma. My husband and I find ourselves in a new season over the last 8 months of being foster parents to a sibling group of 3 children ages 10, 9 and 7 with the likelihood that we will be adopting them. That’s after being empty nesters for about 3 years. We have 3 grown sons who are all married. A 6 yr old grandson who is the apple of our eye but his Dad, our son, and his wife of 8 yrs appear to be headed for divorce. Our middle son and his wife are pregnant due in August and our youngest son and his wife were expecting twins but she miscarried Elijah at 18 wks, and Jeremiah was born at 24 wks weighing 1 lb 2.4 oz. He is a beautiful baby boy doing great and currently weighing in at 4 lb 6.9 oz. Praise The Lord!!
1. Attributes I associate with the word woman – back biters, self absorbed, gossip…..
I definitely don’t have those things in myself that Jan uses in the intro – maybe I use to but for sure not anymore. I have some co-worker women that I work with that I can see those things in.
2. I see myself and my own womanhood very negatively, without purpose and a lot of anger.
3. I don’t know if the culture causes me to mistrust women – I think it’s a result of my own life experiences that have caused the red flags to come up in me. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
4. I am beyond ready to take a hard look at the wounds I have, to surrender them to God and there’s a good chance I’ll be kicking and screaming trying to hold onto them but that’s how I also know I’ve got to deal with this crap and let it go once and for all!!! I’ll be thrilled to just change the way I perceive myself – let alone the world. :)
I hope to get out of this reading and studying with other women – some honest to God true friendships – with no walls of protection! I have got to learn to relate to my daughter-in-laws out of love instead of fear that if I do or say something wrong I’ll lose the relationship with my son’s or grandchildren. Two out of our three foster children are girls and i definitely need to find healing and forgiveness for their sakes as well. I hope to find me and who God intended me to be!! I’m exhausted and disappointed in the me I’ve been for the last too many years.
Kelly, I LOVE your honesty and your heart to let the walls come down. Excited to watch your journey!
Hi Kelly,
It’s obvious you have a gift and call to mothering! We’ll talk a lot about how important this role is for our children. Your input will be invaluable. In addition, I’m trusting God is about to minister to you about how you view your womanhood. Hold on friend! Revelation and peace are on the way.
Blessings,
Jan
I’m posting late, but hey, it’s still Monday. I am 62 years old in body (but my head thinks I should be 35 maybe), married 40 years to the same guy, and have two grown daughters. I’m such a mixture of characteristics that I really haven’t given much thought to what “woman” means to me. Maybe that’s why God has me reading this book. I tend to look at people apart from their gender first and notice that someone is a woman only when they are obnoxiously so, or uniquely good at something men aren’t.
I’ve always been glad to be a woman and actually felt sorry for men because of the things they HAD to do and the things they COULDN’T do. I guess having fun being a “tomboy” when I was young helped me know that I wasn’t limited to someone elses’ definition of feminine. I see myself as content overall and continually challenged to do whatever God sets before me with as much excellence as I can manage. God knows what He made me to be and I count on Him letting me know what that is.
I don’t know that I mistrust women, but I know I am often surprised by them. I have known so many wonderful women through family, church, and my work as a nurse that I tend to think that should be the norm. I’m surprised when I meet someone who is angry or defensive or militant about their womanhood, and I guess I meet a lot more of those lately. Makes me sad. I think there is so much in the culture that is bent on destroying women from every angle possible. We do have an enemy for sure (but it’s not other women, or men).
I’m ready to learn how to be more in tune with those who are hurting because of their gender. I want to understand those who are being marginalized (a word one of my daughters likes) and I probably need to discover some feelings of my own that I’m not aware of at the moment. Ready.
Hi Shirley,
I am so glad you’ve joined this conversation – maybe because I can relate. I’m 51 but feel 35 myself. I’m also glad to know you value being a woman and have a natural bent to things girls are great! I too want to learn how to be more in tune with those who are hurting. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Jan
Hello ladies, I’m Brittany! I’ am 23 years old have been married for nearly 3 years. No children yet. I’m currently in college just studying the basics and taking business administration classes. I work in the records department at JP Morgan Chase. I have lived in Ft Worth, Texas all my life. I long for such a desired heart for God to shine His light through me to lead others to Christ. Just like a few other women doing this studying, I heard about Jan’s book at Pink Impact 2013 and was actually one of the Pink with Ink winners and Women At War was one of the books given to me as the prize. Really excited to interact with other women through this online book study!
Question 1.) When I hear the word “woman” I tend to think of the words caregiver, compassionate, a little dramatic, sensitive, supportive and independent.
Question 2.) Like every woman in the world I struggle with insecurities of my looks and how the world thinks I should look and not how God created me.
As well as relationships with other Godly women. I really discovered this at Pink Impact this year. Especially since I went to the conference by myself and do not know anyone at Gateway. The enemy really tried to drag me down and I let him. Telling me I won’t ever fit in this church, I’ am a loser and not likable but however I had a break through one night when I went down to the alter to pray and was released of these insecurities. It’s still a struggle but I’ am looking forward to what God is going to do for me, even through this study.
Question 3.) I’ am completely guilty of being at war with my own gender. We live in a world where we judge a person so quickly by what they look like, what they wear or how they act. I do not have a lot of girlfriends because I do become quick to judge and will have a bad attitude against a girl because of these things.
Question 4.) I’ am ready to surrender my insecurities, my judgments I have against other women and become the woman God has called me to be and be loving towards other women. There is definitely a reason why I was given this book and now doing this book study. I’m really excited to see what God has in store for me and all the women doing this study!
Hi Brittney,
Congrats on winning that prize! Fun! And welcome to the study. I’m excited to have a young bride join our team. I know you’ll have a lot to share and will help someone older (like me) understand better your season. Can’t wait to hear more from you!
Jan
Hello Ladies! I was so happy to see this online study. I have been married for 25 years and we have 5 wonderful children and a new son-in-law! The older 4 children are out of high school, in college or married and we have an 8th grade daughter. We have recently moved to the DFW area and are loving our new jobs and ministry here. My husband had been laid off for several years and found it difficult to find full-time employment where we were so with this move we are so thankful for His provision and leading. With the quick move and being so busy with our jobs I have to say it’s been slow getting to know new friends and building strong relationships. Making new friends can be hard…even at 50!
Women can be supportive, strong and caring. They can also be opinionated, judgmental and harsh. I can at times feel very insecure and unsure of my place in a group of women. I have been told I’m “too hard on myself”. I have felt many times I have to prove myself. I desire to be transparent and encourage women to follow Him with all their heart. My prayer is that through this study I can take a true look at how the Lord sees me and be confident that He has a plan and purpose for me even in this stage of my life. Fear many times had a grip on my spirit and I found myself too scared to allow the Lord into the deepest places of my heart. Through prayer and healing I know that I can fearlessly approach Him and receive His love. He is such a good and loving Father! I so look forward to studying this book with you all.
Hi Jana,
Welcome to the metroplex. I sure hope you will consider joining us at Gateway Church. We need women like you! I can really relate to your feelings of insecurity – I think we all can. Especially when we are in a new environment and risking putting ourselves in the presence of others in hopes of forming friendships. I’m praying you make some new friends here and that you feel welcomed.
Love,
Jan
Thank you Jan! We have actually joined Gateway and attend the Southlake campus. We love it and feel right at home. I attended Pink Impact for the 3rd straight year and absolutely love it. (We traveled from out of state the past two years to attend.) Coming to Gateway church was a definite with us moving here. We love the teaching and worship. I look forward to becoming more involved this next year and getting to know others through small group studies like this one. Thank you for your leadership in Pink!
Jana so understand the out of work and wonderful God protected you and your family!
We were out of work for 4+ yrs and God stood right besided us! Welcome to the area
Jana,
Welcome to DFW! I echo what has already been said…if you are ANYWHERE close to a Gateway Church campus, come and join! I guarantee you will find life-giving relationships with women, and a place where your soul will be fed well.
I wanted to join in and answer my own questions in effort to be vulnerable with you all as you are being with us. I’m in my mid 30’s, have been married for 15 years and have 7 kids (1 in heaven and the other 6 are ages 4-14). I am a stay at home mom but work at the ministry of blogging and working on a team putting on a blogging conference.
Question 1: Honestly, Jan’s list of words sounds incredible to me and I can see them in myself and many women but I’m not sure I would have used them in my own description. I think the first words that come to mind when I hear the words women are not quite as pleasant. They are words like: untrustworthy, self protecting, self seeking, insecure and hard to know.
I’ve had some great relationships with women that defy those words but they have been the rare gems in a large lot of painful relationships.
Question 2: I love being a woman and all that comes with it. I think this is because God has set me free from so much (including from a lot of the words I used above) and I long for women to know who they are in Christ. I know that many woman are broken and hurting and see themselves differently than how God see’s them and it’s because they have had such painful experiences and never healed from them. I also have 5 daughters and love the ways they express their femininity.
Question 3: Our culture promotes having everything all together. Since I cannot keep everything together but have to daily seek God for direction and help, it makes it seem like I am in such a struggle and other women are not. This makes it hard for me to know if a woman is really being real and honest and has figured it all out or is just being fake.
Question 4: I am ready. God has already begun the work. It’s not always pleasant but I feel it is so very worth it!
I love you, Kristin! Thanks so much for sharing your heart and for leading this endeavor. You have a huge voice and reach to women and I believe in you!
Love,
Jan
Hi Ladies,
It’s so good to be a part of this group! I am a 27 year old woman; I have recently surrendered my life to Christ and am in a season of new beginnings, so what better time to renew my mind and emotions and refresh my heart toward women? : )
I also heard Jan speak at the 2013 Pink Impact and loved the truths she pointed out about us about who we truly were created to be. It is so awesome how God is speaking His truth to women like Jan who are able to receive the courage, strength, wisdom, boldness, and true love to go out shine the light in our sometimes seemingly overwhelming dark world.
1. I was always taught that a woman is strong and independent – not relying on anyone but herself for her happiness. I’m sure you can see that from that definition, a thick shell comes to encircle one’s true heart. I love Jan’s empowering description; and, yes, those characteristics are in ALL women I have met. Although, at times I believe we all try to hide those truths due to what we “think” we should be. By far, my favorite description of a women is as a life giver. We truly do hold that in our hands and have the ability to speak it in everything we do. What a blessing we have.
2. I am finally seeing myself in a brand new light of truth. It is shocking to realize that there are some attributes that I have, such as being outgoing and passionate, which I had actually begun to view as negative characteristics. When I lived a life on my “island” it became easier to believe the lies. There are so many of us who often believe lies about ourselves; for me the only answer has been to let Father tell me what to truly believe.
3. Wow. So many things we see on television now highlight the women whose lives are flowing out of a heart of stone – one that has believed the lies and is unwilling to allow anyone to touch the wound underneath.
4. I couldn’t be more ready : ) He has proven Himself so very faithful and loving in this season of healing and deliverance, and He will do it again – all for His glory.
“But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me.” – Psalm 13:5-6
Sweet Whitney,
I am so excited to learn that you’ve recently given your life to Christ. I remember when my own eyes were opened to spiritual truths and the season of sweet discover the Lord took me on. I’m very honored that this book study would have an opportunity to shape your opinions about yourself and women at such an early point in your salvation experience. I can tell that the Holy Spirit has already been illuminating your mind and heart to the truth of how awesome you really are. I hope this study opens your eyes and your heart to more and more truth!
Welcome,
Jan
Hello everyone! I’m Christina. :o) I am a woman who is quickly approaching her 30th birthday. I am a professional in the accounting industry, finishing up my second Masters, and soon to be sitting for the CPA exam. I first heard about Women at War when I heard Jan speak at Gateway’s 2013 Pink Impact. I love the idea of an “online” book study due to my time constraints, so thank you to everyone who is involved in making this happen.
1. For me, I tend to associate words such as organizer, leader, doer, wearer of many hats, juggler. It seems like when things get done or need to be accomplished, they tend to fall to woman to do them. I don’t have children, but I still feel the need to manage my career, my education, my household, and still manage to keep up with all the appointments and doings of my boyfriend as well.
I love that the words wise, graceful, dignified, compassionate, and influential were all used to describe women. I see so many of these attributes in myself, and most certainly among the women I see around me.
2. For me personally, I have really struggled in the past to define who I am as a woman, and how I see myself. In dealing with some struggles of a failed marriage, learning to live on my own again, and owning my outward and inward emotions, I have really made a lot of positive changes (I hope). I am finally able to be confident in my decisions and more than anything, I have really learned to love the person I am, and strive to be. I can finally see myself in a positive light, but I will say that hasn’t always been the case.
3. The world we live in feels more like a “dog eat dog” environment. We are constantly trying to be better, do much, accomplish more, achieve more, have more, etc. instead of being thankful for the many blessings we’ve been given. I know I’m guilty of this. It’s almost as if at times, we see what our friends are doing and become jealous. Instead of celebrating their successes, we try to jeopardize them.
4. Most definitely! I could not be more excited for this study.
Hi Christina,
The 30’s are great! You’ll like them ;)
So glad you are joining us! I love that, in Jan’s book, she leads us to seeing ourselves as God does. It’s a continual process to seek God’s truth above the labels we give ourselves or embrace from others. I’m glad we get to share in this beautification process together in this study.
Blessings, Kristin
Hi Christina – You sound amazing! Smart, articulate and strong. I understand the feeling of “dog eat dog”. I’m praying we can do better! If we begin to focus on our strengths and not our wounds or lies we will definitely change the way we see ourselves and others. Can’t wait to hear more from you!
Jan
Hi! I’m Marcy. I’m 31 yrs old and have been living as a missionary to Asia for 8 yrs now. I’ve been married for just 6 years and we have beautiful twin girls (almost 4 yrs old) I recently started an internship program to train other young women in the work that I’m involved (international church planting movement, evangelism, tribal work, and reaching the least reached) Last November I “adopted” 4 young ladies as my interns and it has been a beautiful, challenging and rewarding year so far! I believe this book and study have come into my life at the perfect time as God leads me deeper into mentoring young ladies to pursue God wholly and walk in the calling He has given them.
1. I loved the definition of women that was given. My favorite adjectives were: wise, influential, beautiful, purposeful, and visionary because I relate to them the most.
2. I have mostly viewed being a woman as a very positive thing, but I’ve also experienced situations of discrimination, negative words and even being ignored because of being a woman in ministry.
3. I think my perception of other women has been mostly formed through experiences (good and bad) and sometimes wounds. I think I would add to the list manipulative. When I don’t trust other women it’s usually because I feel like she’s trying to manipulate or trying to compete.
4. I’m super excited about this study. It seems so spot on and right timing that God wants me to open up and have some heart surgery over this topic and I’m ready. (He’s a great physician and I love the women in my life enough to change what needs to be changed in me so that we can walk in greater unity)
Thanks
Hi Marcy, Wow, how neat that you are a missionary in Asia and are able to mentor younger women. I feel the same way – that this book is great for mentors and also for those being mentored.
I would agree with you that women can be manipulative (myself included). I often wonder if it is a leaned behavior and if we are even aware of it? I pray that our eyes are opened and that we see manipulation for what it is. And yes, there can be so much competition between women which usually comes from our insecurities I believe.
I have twin girls too! They are 13 now and great friends (although not without conflict). I love that this book is equipping me to teach me how to mother my girls well. I also look forward to the day they can read it on their own.
thank you so much for joining in the conversion! I look forward to connecting with you more. Blessings, Kristin
Hi Marcy,
It’s awesome to hear about your life in ministry, your mentoring role and your two beautiful girls. I’m impressed with your willingness to coach others into their best potential. I couldn’t agree more about how awful it feels to be manipulated. It also feels awful to manipulate. I hope in this study we learn a little more about why we are tempted to manipulate one another – and how we can choose another way of responding and leading others into unity.
One of my staff members have twin girls! I love it when they come two at a time.
I look forward to continuing the conversation. Thanks for the feedback.
Jan
Hi my name is Ellie.
I am a wife, daughter, sister, aunt and most importantly a daughter of God. I live in Texas. I will never forget the day I came across this book. My first impression was how ironic as women are now being able to defend our country and I thought to myself, we are nurtures we take care of our families and now we are defending our country on a global platform, not just in prayer. I was with my aunt she asked “Should we get it” I responded “Yes, we should. How else are we going to learn how to get along with others and ourselves especially if we are called to be the example in our own family?”
1. I associate the attributes of all the qualities in other women. The ones I most see in myself are wise, influential, purposeful, visionary, authentic, merciful, compassionate, and life giving.
2. I struggle with seeing myself as beautiful and graceful. I am walking into those areas. I see myself at a crossroads of which I believe is positive.
3. I mistrusted women because of past relationships with the women in my life, I have never understood this need for war in our lives and have always thought “Why can’t we just get along and love each other as Christ loved the church”, often times my heart was broken and shattered and it was in those dark hours that I realized I had became the very epitome of what I did not like in others and then one day I stood up and said enough, I will let them be them and me be me “whoever me was” and love them, which left me feeling completely rejected and then I pressed into the word a bit deeper and began to study out how I could love women so unconditionally as “Christ loved the church”. I had to first realize that no matter what HE loved me and only HIS love is perfect. It was then and only then did I realize I cannot love another if I do not know the love of Christ.
4. I am looking forward to becoming all that the Lord has called me to be and I am so grateful to Jan for writing this book.
Hi Ellie,
I love hearing about your first impression of the book. It seems that most women know instinctively what I’m talking about. It’s almost like they knew there was an underlying issue – but no one is talking about it. I also love your comment about being an example to your family. It was the birth of my daughter which kick-started my journey to wholeness. I want her to have amazing female relationships so much that I’m willing to let myself experience some pain, work through some wounds and do what I need to do to be myself.
I think the vast majority of our mistrust comes because of the wounds other women have inflicted on us. We will get into this discussion in a few chapters and I hope it will help restore your trust in women.
Thanks for joining. I look forward to further conversation.
Blessings,
Jan
My name is Billie, I am 59 yrs old but act 16! I enjoy spending time with my grand daughter. I have eight grandkids but she is special. I think the word compassionate describes me best. I love helping elderly people, I love doing jail ministry, and I love animals. I have the squirrels running to me when they see me! I’m going to enjoy this study time . I hope I can find that others has been through some of the things I have, so they can understand I’m not a bad person. I’ve struggled to get to where I am today. I thank God for my life as it is now…
Hi Billie – welcome to the conversation. You sound like a lot of fun. People who love the elderly, the prisoner and animals are so compassionate. I’m glad you are joining us!
Blessings,
Jan
1. I think women tend to be in managerial positions, whether they see themselves this way or not. We lead, teach, budget, negotiate, arbitrate, judge, discipline, fascilitate. We juggle the various aspects of family life and do our best to make it all blend harmoniously together.
2. I used to view myself very negatively, but with God’s help that is changing.
3. It seems to me that popular media seems to portray the worst in everyone, not just women. I suppose that people being good and kind to each other just doesn’t sell.
4. Absolutely! I am enjoying the process of becoming who God intended me to be. :D
Hi Lisa – welcome to the discussion. I too used to view myself negatively. Today, I cut myself some slack. I’m not perfect, but I’m not what I was. I’m so grateful for the transformation that God has worked in my heart and in my life.
During chapter 2 we will talk about popular media and it’s impact. You are right. It is huge and mostly negative.
Thanks,
Jan
I’m Morgan–I am a twenty-something soon-to-be-married young professional working in college football. Post-college life has been an interesting transition having recently moved to the DFW area in the past year and not knowing very many people. Making girlfriends and finding community has been the most difficult part of my transition.
1. I love the words dynamic, purposeful, and visionary that were used to describe women. I see these for sure in myself and in many women I know.
2. Three words to describe me as an individual (not necesserily as a woman) is passionate, competitive and ambitious. All of the people that know me well would not argue with these descriptors. I love them and I embrace them. Often, though, the word competitive is viewed as a negative characteristic. I don’t think it is at it’s very core. However, as with anything, too much of a good thing isn’t always a good thing. I am an athlete and an academic and I love a good challenge. The underlying motive for my competitiveness is not to be the best and to beat out all of the others, but it is to strive for excellence in everything I do because I hold myself to a higher standard.
3. To go along with what I was saying about competitiveness, I think that our culture frowns upon a woman with a competitive nature–which is sad to me. I struggled with being ashamed of my competitive nature for awhile, but have since learned to own it and embrace it. I don’t use it as a weapon, but as a tool.
4. I’m looking forward to learning and being stretched as it relates to learning more about “womanhood”
Hi Morgan,
I am so excited to meet you. I love that you are competitive, ambitious and passionate. I understand that make up. I believe we can have a holy ambition, a righteous passion and a Godly desire to be victorious. You might be facing a bit of an uphill battle in terms of cultural expectations – but no worries – you are well able to accomplish the call of God on your life. I can’t wait to hear more of your thoughts and I look forward to continuing the conversation.
Blessings,
Jan
Hi Morgan,
I love that you know yourself like you do and embrace it. That is beautiful to me!
I completely understand what you are saying about being competitive and it being a good thing. I am that same way and have been competitive since I was little. It has never been out of wanting to push past others or dominate them but because I am driven and have high standards. Sometimes our greatest strengths are also weaknesses as I see often in my children. I know that my bossiest child is going to be a great leader one day and I get to help shape that into a strength. You are so wise to recognize your strengths and have an awareness of how & when they become weaknesses.
So glad you are joining us!! Blessings, Kristin
My name is Tomi, I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, business owner, teacher and aspiring world changer!!
1. The first thing when I thought of the word woman was ‘quiet strength’. As women we are strong in so many ways. Our ability to conceive, carry, birth, sacrifice, listen and empower others all done in the quiet shadows of the womb, home and work place. Our strength is not placed on display for all to see but is done through the quietness of prayer, kisses, cuddles, late night talks, adjusting our paradigms to believe correctly, becoming a standard and learning what it means to trust while always seeking wisdom and grace. Encouraging, equipping and embracing those in my path to become all they are created to become. This isn’t to say that women are not out on the front lines, but their strength lies in their feminity not becoming more like males.
2. At this point in my life, I see my own femininity as a positive thing. I love being a woman. Was this always the case, no. But over the years, the discovery of who I am as a woman has set me free to love being me.
3. My heart breaks for young girls who are left spiritual orphans, left to discover who they are as females at the whim of society and without the loving guidence of moms to help theim discover that they are uniquely made for diving purpose and divine destiny. My heart breaks for the moms who are left to fill the rolse of men when men choose not to fulfill thier responsibilites, in this, they not only lose out on who they are but on who they are created to be.
4. Over the years, I have dealt with many of the wounds inflicted by women, but I know there are others that have laid dormant and unexposed. I am ready to bring to the surface misconceptions, lies and fears that still plague my heart.
Hi Tomi, I love that picture of quiet strength! I am going to remember that as I walk through the roles I play in my life. So happy to have you joining us! Blessings, Kristin
Hi Kristin, I am so excited you are facilitating this, I think it will be a wonderful opportunity for women from all backgrounds to come together and just be women without pretense or bias. Praying it is a blessing to you!!
Hi Tomi –
So excited to see your participation here! You know that I love your quiet strength and passion for family. We will get to talk about spiritual orphans and how important it is for us to be ready to become spiritual moms so that others will not be abandoned or rejected. You’ll have a lot to contribute to all our discussion. I’m excited to journey with you.
Thanks,
Jan
Hi Jan!! I am so excited about reading your book. When I picked it up last week I purposed to find a quiet place to sit and be still and listen, to hear what God is saying and to hear what is going on in my own heart. It just happened to be a beautiful 64 degree sunny day and while Ana and I enjoyed the outdoors it was a perfect environment to just get real with God and let the Son shine in!!!
You are an inspiration and I truly admire your strength, courage and faith!! I can’t wait to see the fruit of your prayers, faith and the work of your hands!!