What I Was Telling My Family Without Saying a Word

Have you ever had a realization {conviction really} that was like a gut punch?  That was me a few weeks ago.  My mind was racing as I was attempting to multi-task, running errands and planning my week, in my mind.  I had guests coming to stay with us in a few weeks and there was a LOT to do!  My house needed a serious cleaning and beyond that I’d been trying to spend more time organizing and clearing out clutter with little success. As I mentally tallied the items on my to do list I realized that I was in for some late nights and some early mornings in preparation for these guests.  I would be blogging less and working harder.  I would just have to tough it out as I usually did when someone, anyone, was coming over. 

This is where the gut punch came.  I literally gasped as I heard these convicting words “Why is it that you are willing to do all of that for other people but you don’t do it for your own family?”

What? I do! Don’t I?  I mean I work HARD for this family of 8!  I stay very busy with little rest time.  But here is what I knew was true in that instant: I was telling my family that other people were worth my blood, sweat, tears, late nights, early mornings and scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees no matter what else I had to say no to. But my family wasn’t worth that to me. 

Now, before I continue, I must say that I fully believe in grace.  I like to be drenched in the stuff.  Grace is my anthem most days.  There have been many awake-all-night-with-a-crying-baby times in my history and I have lived in a grace place with my family.  You see, my family would cover me with grace no matter what.  I know they would.  But this wasn’t a cry from them for me to not get grace.  No, this was conviction straight from the heart of my Heavenly Father saying gently “Wake up daughter. These people, the ones right in front of you, these precious people need to be the most. important. people. in your life… and what you are saying to them is that they are less important than anyone else who may grace your home.”

Can I tell you that this conviction, this loving conviction, still brings hot tears to my eyes.  My own husband would tease me every time we had guests over for dinner and I pulled out all the stops with the fanciest of meals that I could make.  He teased me that he loved having guests over because he got to eat REALLY well on those nights.  I hated his teasing because I have slaved over many a meal for him and I was so tired.  Too tired to pull out all the stops for him most days.  Ouch.  And I realized that what he was saying was true.  More importantly, what he wasn’t asking {do you care about me as much as you do them?} was seemingly true by my actions.

So what does a mom do with this new conviction and strong motivation to serve her family and love them best? It is not an over night thing.  It takes time, planning, evaluating and submitting.  I immediately felt a determination rise up in me to show my precious family that they mean the world to me.  There are lots of practical ways I can do this but I also have to keep checking my heart.  “How did I do today? What were my priorities.  Not sure it was my family today.  God, help me with this!”

But the conviction came from a God who empowers, who heals hearts and sets captives free.  When He speaks dead things come to life and broken things are mended.  So the work in me is His. I have just decided to yield.  I am bending low to serve, first my family, who need to know how loved they are.  I get to be Jesus to them and praying that if they see anything in me it is love.  Deep love that goes beyond tired, pushes past bored, spills through frustration, and overcomes all.