The Key to Finding Yourself in Motherhood

I worried for years that I was somehow losing myself in the midst of the crumb-covered floor, seemingly unending diaper changes, meal planning and correcting kiddos.

All of the person I used to be seemed to have been washed down the drain with the 32nd bath after the 32nd potty training accident. I was desperate to hold onto me – to have significance in life and to be valuable.

I didn’t struggle so much to know that what I was doing was important but rather to know that I was still there and hadn’t been lost in all of the work of being a mom.  Because you know that being a mom is work right? It’s crazy hard work that you don’t know you are signing up for until you take your baby home. No one tells you that, for all the love and cuteness, you will work like crazy from now until…well, let’s just say a looong time.  I needed to know, in the midst of it all that I was still an interesting, fun, special, gifted person.

Things I used to do before I became a mom now took a backseat to the monotonous every day tasks.  I lost them and I felt lost.

I had a glimmer of hope when I stumbled across a love for photography after deciding I never liked the way the professional pictures of my oldest turned out and I wanted to try it on my own. I realized that I really enjoyed it and I was actually good at it.  I was complimented all of the time for the photos I took of my kids and began to be asked to take pictures for others.  I even started getting paid to do it.  I really felt like I had found me. In a way I had but as time went on and I got even busier and didn’t have as much time to pour into my “love” of photography, I began to wonder if it had anything to do with finding myself at all.  The thing I was still seeking was missing.

I was seeking fulfillment and happiness.  I was seeking meaning and purpose. I was seeking to be valued and feel valuable. 

When I say that I discovered the key to finding yourself in motherhood, and the key is to lose yourself, I am not talking about letting everything overwhelm you and becoming lost in being the perfect mom. I am talking, rather, about what you seek. Everyone, at some point, seeks to find themselves.  I am learning that the way to truly find yourself is to lay everything down, surrender, and seek first the Kingdom of God.