Shame and Roundhouse Kicks

 

Doesn’t kicking shame in the teeth sound like fun?  Shame.  The word has no pleasantness to it.  It feels cold and dirty and weighty.  I imagine shame like a dead tree in winter with branches that are so gnarly and look like they could reach out, grab you and whirl themselves around you so tightly that you could not break free.  So, when I heard the pastor say “How about we kick shame in the teeth today?”  I was all ears.  But… did I have shame?

I heard a story about a woman who was sexually abused as a child and how she grew up in the sex industry and did shameful things.  She felt so unworthy of love, so ashamed of herself.  Until Christ’s love set her free.  She gave Him every bit of her shame and now… now she ministers love to women in that same industry she came out of.

Isaiah 61:7 says this about turning shame over to God:

Instead of your shame you shall have double honor…

Why would I hold on to shame when I could have double honor?

And isn’t that like God? He takes the broken and twisted and bound up, ugly shame we give Him, nails it to the cross that He paid for it with and returns to us double honor.

Wow!

So, what shame could a good Christian, blogging, mom of 6 possibly have?  In the quiet moments that day I asked God to show me where there was shame in my life.  I recalled memories of when I was a child when some things done in secret with other older children opened wide the doors for shame to enter.  The worst part was not what was done but that shame had held me captive for 30 years.

I had new hope in my heart as I released my shame to a loving God. But there was more to hand over.  As I went home that day, determined to identify shame and it’s workings in my life I realized that I lived in shame. Sat in it day in and day out.  Walked in it. Fed it. Called it my friend.  Nearly every thing I did was driven by shame.  That sounds absurd but it’s true. Almost every action was driven or deterred by shame.

I could see it clearly suddenly.  The way I didn’t say what should be easy to say to my husband.  The way I assumed others were thinking bad things about me.  How I avoided conversations and doing things because of possible failure.  How I carried guilt about so many things I just couldn’t get done.

All of it shame.  And I kicked it in the teeth.

It was simple really.  I identified it as shame.  Turned it over with open hands to God, asked Him to forgive me for believing the lies that shame told me and the freedom that rushed in was like new life.  Completely new, fresh, 180 degree turning, life.

Every once in a while I will sit in shame again.  Live in the place where I let shame talk to me and try to become my friend.  However, once you deal with shame you get better and better at identifying its voice and turning it over is easier than ever when double honor is on the table. 

I know that not everyone is so easily subject to shame’s weight but if you are, if you could be, wouldn’t you like to do some roundhouse kicks right in its teeth today?  It may take some moments of quiet before the Lord before you are able to identify shame’s roots but it’s worth the waiting. Or perhaps you know right where it started – it’s burned in your memory like it was yesterday and you have been tangled in shame ever since?  Freedom is sweet dear friend and now that I’ve tasted victory I’m pumped to help you kick some shame butt too. 

I’m praying for each of you today.  That your heart would be sensitive to hear truth and that you would have a longing to walk in greater depths of freedom in Christ.  If you need specific prayer, especially when it comes to dealing with shame, please feel free to email me {Kristin@thebeautifuldeep.com}.

I love you dear friends.  Thank you for letting me share my battles and victories with you!