Setting REAListic Expectations for Motherhood

I have wished someone had told me how hard motherhood would be.  I expected labor and birth to be tough but I didn’t have an expectation for what would come next.

It’s not that we want someone to give us a list that makes us fearful of all the horrible things that might happen but rather just set the expectation that this motherhood thing is hard, no matter how good you are at it. It’s hard and that is true whether you have 1 child or 10. It’s true whether you give it your all or spend your days wishing it all away.

No one tells you that whatever definition you had of tired before kids will become obsolete. You will reach a new level of tired and have to push through it for years.

No one tells you that your kids are going to put their hands on the floor of the public restroom to peer under the stall at the lady next to you and embarrass you like crazy. Or that yours will be the one (newly potty trained) kid who stands at the top of the slide and pees down it (true story. I’ve never seen a playground cleared so quickly.)

You probably won’t hear that it’s possible that your child will fight you on every. single. thing you try to teach them. Or that they may tell you for a week that they don’t have any homework when they really do.

And if your child has siblings… You may not have heard that you will be working for peace like its World War III and all hell has broken loose under your roof.

You may have a bit of fair warning about hormonal changes and teenage attitudes but did anyone tell you they may start at age 9?!

What we really expect with our round bellies or adoption papers are that we’re going to be great at this or at least try our best. We believe the best and go into it with determination to do it better than all the parents before us.

We pin the best activities for babies and toddlers. We determine to manage our homes, make the best meals and keep baby entertained beautifully (all while looking beautiful ourselves).

Can I just set the record straight and help you set realistic expectations for motherhood?

Dear new mom,

Motherhood is hard. If you expect it to be you won’t freak out that you’re doing it all wrong when it feels hard. If you set the expectation now that it will be hard you will be able to stand firm and push through when it is.

You will make mistakes. You will. Probably lots of them. Expect that you will and you’ll be able to laugh at them a little bit instead of crying and wondering if you are ruining your kids.

You won’t do it better than everyone else. You will be just as imperfect. BUT you will be an amazing mom to your kids if you don’t compare yourself to any other mom.

You will have fantastic days and you will have horrible days. There will be days where it seems you get everything right and the very next day you may feel like you cannot do anything right. They both happen. When the bad days come don’t sink into despair.  Make the most of them. God’s mercies are new every morning. His grace is sufficient for even bad days. And the good ones? You should really celebrate them!

Your kids will fail, mess things up and embarrass you.  Expect that you will be cleaning up messes and blushing in public more than you would like. Setting this expectation will help you to just go with it and have patience while your kids learn and grow.

You will not have all of the answers and neither will your friends.  You are going to not know what to do at times and your friends may not be much help either. This is where praying for wisdom really comes in handy.

The amount of time you think you will need will almost always be wrong. Motherhood is saved by giving yourself extra margin. Margin will help you keep your cool when life explodes. When your days are filled to the brim with activities and expectations you are only setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.

You are not alone in this. Moms, we are in this together. We get you. We need each other to love, support and encourage one another through all of the ups and downs of motherhood. You’ve also got a God on your side who knows that motherhood is hard, and that you are warring for victory in your child’s life and He’s warring with you.

You are a rockstar! A stinking rockstar for goodness sake. No one ever tells you that your child is going to look up to you as if you know everything and are amazing at mothering. Expect to not feel like one much but decide to know in your heart that you are. You are a good mom!

Want a reminder to print out? Click the image below to download:

Now moms, tell me I’m not alone. What things have you had to deal with that you never expected? Let’s all help the new moms set realistic expectations. It’s just one way we can love on and encourage them.