How are you? Are you all turkey’d out? We just ate turkey pot pie last night and turkey soup is on the menu tomorrow night then I think that should do it for us and the turkey for a while.
I missed writing at the end of last week and certainly had grand plans to stop in and say “Happy Thanksgiving.” It didn’t happen though as I was busy painting and getting ready for a Thanksgiving feast at my house with guests. Did I mention that I was painting? It is so like me to take on a major project right before guests are coming and overload myself. But this painting project was equally thrilling and terrifying for me. I painted a wall in my house black. Black! And I seriously love it!
You may wonder why I am telling you about painting a wall in my house black when I hardly ever mention home projects on my blog. I really love working on my home I just don’t usually share that stuff here because well, it’s not so “deep” but it’s me and I’m inclined lately to share more of me and all the real goings on of my life on here. That and I only ever got the courage to paint a wall black because of what God is doing in my heart. He’s calling me to find beauty in life, express myself knowing that He delights in how He made me… you know, to love taking risks like black paint. I’m loving it all really and it all has been a journey to get here.
I promised that I would share my journey with you and wanted to share a little more today. Last time I told you about how I kicked shame in the teeth. Today I want to talk about how pride binds a person so.
I’d love to say that I dealt with pride years ago. Actually, I think I did. Pride just has a way of creeping back up on you. But pride comes before destruction. Destruction. And I was headed for destruction.
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18
God loves us so much so that He takes a thing like pride and magnifies it in our face so that we can see it and deal with it. Why? Because He doesn’t want us destroyed. The problem is that proud people are often too proud to see their own pride.
For me it wasn’t the kind of pride that flaunts itself and begs for attention but the pride that doesn’t bow low, always wants to be right and holds everyone else accountable for their actions and offenses. The problem was that I needed Jesus desperately. I needed His example of humility to flood my heart and mind. I could never be vulnerable while holding on to pride and the lack of vulnerability in my life was bringing about destruction. Destruction to my God-given dreams and His desire to use my life, my story, for His glory.
You cannot bow low and fully surrender your life until you’ve dealt with pride.
I see it easily now. It attempted to tell me that I was good enough on my own, that my own righteousness would work for me. But my own righteousness is filthy rags…
Pride led me to believe that I had to win the argument for the sake of being right rather than lay down my desire to be right for the sake of humility.
It led me to believe that I must defend myself, always so defensive, about my actions, my intentions rather than just admit mistakes, lay down perfection and be me. Weak, needy me.
This was the kind of pride that a good Christian girl can be consumed by and destroyed by. It left me oh so unhappy. I had no idea how devastatingly sad and empty pride was leaving me.
But God only ever reveals a broken thing in us to heal us and set us free. That is what He did for me. He began to show me how pride had infiltrated my heart and in an act of obedience all I had to do to be free was to repent and humble myself. And freedom rushed in like a flood.
In all honesty these posts are hard to write because they are so very raw and have been such big struggles for me to overcome. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the only one who has suffered from shame and pride. I tell you my story because if I can overcome so can you.
Pride isn’t always the loud person who begs for attention with their actions and the way they dress. Do you struggle with vulnerability? Do you struggle with being defensive? Do you feel subject to perfectionism? Can I encourage you to take some quiet moments today before your loving Heavenly Father to ask Him to search your heart for hidden pride? I cannot tell you how amazing freedom from pride feels. It’s like a whole new beginning!
Coming up I’ll share more about vulnerability and happiness. Thank you for sharing in my journey and for your encouragement along the way.
P.S. I’ll share a picture of my black wall with you soon!
