I feel restless lately – like God’s moving big time but I could miss it if I’m not careful. It’s as if there’s a door open in front of me but I’m hesitating to walk through.
Over the past 5 years God has done an amazing work of freedom in my heart. He’s set me free from lies of rejection, hurt, fear and anger. He’s shown me who He says I am and dared me to believe it… and I have and it’s amazing to live this way!
But I cannot help but feel like I’ve still got clenched fists around justice. Like I could just let go of all bitterness, unforgiveness and selfishness and reach a whole new level of freedom but I choose to keep on living the way I am.
On this blog you see mostly the best parts of me. The parts that have learned some things and grown. I often share the icky parts of my life but mostly after I’ve overcome them and never while I am in them. But I struggle with so much that I never share.
I long to open my hands and let offenses and wrongs just drain right through like sand but oh, my pride. It gets in the way and causes me to stumble and I bang my head into the same pride door over and over again.
So, I’ve been crying out to God. “I know you are working here, bringing these things to light. I’ve suffered the effects of pride for so long, laid them down and picked them right back up again.”
I want to be like Jesus. No pride. Ever. Not even when He was falsely accused. He didn’t need to defend Himself. He knew who He was and that was enough. And if anyone had the right to be proud He did. No one would have given it a second thought if the King of Kings and Lord of Lords showed everyone who was boss. But He chose, instead to show us how to be humble. He served selflessly, forgave even his murderers in the act, and died naked on a tree.
With the calling to go deeper there is a challenge to shed more of the old man and walk in new ways. The ugliness in me keeps rearing its head and fighting the process. I don’t want to fight any more though. I’m tired of fighting for the right to be selfish and proud. I think I’ll just lay them down.
Refine me God. Make me a pure. In all of the ways I have fought to hold onto me and my rights I beg of you to teach me to let go and lay them down. Just give me Jesus, let Him be the only thing that I cling to with closed fists.
What do you need to let go of today in order to go deeper into the things of God? Let’s shed some weight and find ourselves even more free in Him.
Click on photos for sources.
Funny, my dear friend, how I seem to come to your back door first before others have shown up.
I feel comfortable here. Just you and me. I grab my cup of coffee and you tell me honestly what’s on your mind. I tell you too and we are here in the moment. I appreciate you. I value your honesty and authenticity – we move together deep calling to deep and it is good.
In response to your question of letting go I must respond first with what I’ve learned before letting go can ever happen:
I’ve been a Christian for over 40 years.
It’s been a journey – an adventure.
It’s been real.
I haven’t always been faithful.
I haven’t always understood.
I haven’t always obeyed.
I’ve fallen down.
He’s picked me up.
I’ve fallen down again.
He’s lifted me up.
It hasn’t always been easy.
He’s had to come.
He’s had to push me forward.
He is faithful in His faithfulness.
He is sure in His correction.
He is compassionate in His comfort.
He’s tested me.
He found me wanting.
He filled the wanting places.
He’s tried me.
He found me weak.
He placed His strength in every fiber of my being.
I’ve learned this…
His discipline lasts only a moment.
But His favor lasts a lifetime.
His assurance brings peace.
His acceptance holds true.
He wins the battle for my soul.
I’ve also learned
My slippery hands hold nothing.
His hands keep me secure.
Unseen by human eyes
He is working.
He is working all things out for my good.
I’ve learned this even more…
I’ve learned there is no victory in the rebel yell.
There is no glory in going my own way.
He is the Great I Am.
He is God Almighty.
He is Creator God.
I’ve learned from the past.
Live in the present.
Look to the future.
The God who created eyes, sees.
The God who created ears, hears.
The God who created lips, speaks.
He speaks into my soul.
He holds my yielded heart close.
He is my Refuge.
We’ve been together now over forty years.
It ‘s nothing in terms of eternity,
It’s everything to my here and now.
So.
What have I learned as a Christian?
It is this one thing
and I have learned it well.
He loves me with an everlasting love.
Kristen… Back to your original question. I let go of everything into my Everything – He is still Lord of all. I am comforted in this: You cannot trust the Word of the Lord until you trust the Lord of the Word.