Today I wanted to share with you a post that was one of the most popular posts on my former blog. When I wrote it I was very much in a place of being undone. As I read through it last night my heart was so moved. I never want to forget how I was undone.
I keep thinking that I want this blog to be more about, well, homemaking. I have some of the most amazing posts in my head just waiting to be typed out on the keyboard. They are all about the practical things that happen to keep a home running smoothly. I have some experience with these things and would love to share them.
I am getting in the way though. You will have to bear with me.
The journey that I am on right now is not one of focusing on the hows and whys of managing a home well. All of that stuff is important but I am being undone at the moment.
Absolutely undone.
A heap of flesh and tears on the floor in a closet, hidden away from everything else but a Father who wants me here. Everything else has to wait.
It is because I matter. I am important. I need Him and I need healing.
For years I have loved God, served Him, acknowledged His hand in my life but seeking Him first? I was too wounded, too proud to even admit my need. Unintentionally I served other gods. I worshiped at the feet of perfection. I praised motherhood more than my Savior. Unknowingly of course. We think that having idols means bowing to a statue (and that is just crazy to most of us) but it isn’t. It is ANYTHING that we put before God. Anything.
So here I am sharing my heart with anyone who cares to read these words. I remain undone. It seems these days I wake to see my life and know that anything I do cannot compare to the work He wants to do. It requires waiting. It requires being still. All of my doing in the past…I wish I would have just been still. So I wait and in the waiting miracles are happening. I’ll get there…
In this life, who but the Creator and giver of life says to wait, to be still? Soak that in for a minute. All things are possible through Him. All that we work so hard towards…He is the one who can promote us, take us to the new place we hope to go with our spouses, our children, our homemaking, our ministry, our work. We can go ahead but then He will only be behind…
Oh, Let Him be ahead and beside! Wait! We need permission to not be organized for some moments, to not be planning and doing. Practically, to not be couponing, and cleaning and meal planning and whipping up gourmet what-nots. We will never get to where we hope to go until we become undone. Undone of the burdens, the hurts, the fears… Striped down to the bareness of just who we are (in Him).
Then and there I will soar.
I will mount on wings like eagles (having laid every vain thing aside). I will run and not grow weary. I will walk and not faint. I will pick up those things that He intends for me to and leave the things I was never meant to carry. I can trust Him to use my gifts and not try to take on yours too.
For however long I am here, at this place of stillness and waiting, I invite you to join my journey. I am confident that God will set things in motion again that will require diligent homemaking. Right now He is heartmaking and I cannot move until He says “Now go.” Even then, I hope to remember being undone…
