The room was full of women connecting and I lacked the courage to intrude on any established conversations. I spotted an empty table off to the side and out of the way. I walked up to it thinking that I really didn’t want to sit alone but perhaps this day I would let my fellow table-mates choose me as opposed to me choosing them. I sat alone for some moments, almost regretting the decision to be at this table, but I remained. Another woman, an older woman, walked up and chose the seat immediately to my left. I welcomed her company but wondered where our conversation might go since she was about 20 years my senior….
We began our conversation casually but I was surprised at how quickly it went deep. We discussed her desire to mentor younger women with her blog and then she said something that stopped me in my tracks and convicted me to the core. She said that she never expected to feel this way as she entered her fifties but that she felt like she had lost her identity. She said it wasn’t a matter of not knowing who she was but rather of other women, and here’s the part that got me, younger women, who didn’t pay her any attention any more. “It’s almost like they don’t see me anymore. Like I am irrelevant.”
I saw age as “once was.” She once was a mom like me, a younger wife like me. She once had to navigate friendships and wonder about how to be godly in different situations. She once moved to a new place, learned to cook well, and be a good homemaker. She once was figuring out how to meet her husband’s needs and wondering how to balance babies and sleep. She once was just like me. Just where I am.
The tears come easy for me now as I remember this woman’s face in that moment and how I suddenly became aware of the treasure that she was. Beautiful, precious treasure that was ripe for the mining. Her life hadn’t been perfect but she wasn’t just treasure in all that she had done right but also all she had done wrong.
The weight if my pride was lifted at that moment as I looked with God lenses at this beautiful life in front of me and I wanted to bow low in this holy-humble place and beg forgiveness for the pride of our generation. That this gift of God, this beautiful woman, would feel irrelevant to a newer generation suddenly broke my heart as I sensed it broke God’s too.
I encouraged this woman that we, the younger women, desperately need her, I couldn’t even tell her that I felt such a conviction, such a sudden and strong urgency to encourager the younger women to embrace this older generation.
As the days have gone by since that exchange I have silently been pondering all of this. How did we get here? We tell our children to respect their elders but do we see them, really see them? And I wonder… are we a younger generation scarred by imperfect mothers? Mothers who didn’t meet our needs, didn’t teach us all we needed to know? Mothers who maybe weren’t there or maybe weren’t mothered right themselves to know what a daughter needs? And the daughters, this now generation of women, have we bought into a lie sold to us that we don’t need this older generation of mothers because they weren’t perfect? We picked up pride and turned away from grace as we rock our babies at night all alone. We ask each other how to do this hard thing, this mothering job and we try to answer each other as best as we can but do we really know? Are we on the other side?
And yet, here are these women, these precious gems of women who have lived these lives before us. They know exactly where we are.Not only do they know what to do right but they know what they did wrong. And isn’t learning from someone else’s mistake always better? Why should we refuse their wisdom because they didn’t do it perfect? Will we do it perfectly and would we ever want our children to hold us to that standard…to simply not see us one day?
Titus 2 commands them, the older women, to serve the younger women by teaching her how to love her husband and children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. But we won’t even let them do what God has mandated them to do because of our pride. Or maybe I am the only one?
So, I hear a call loudly in my heart to be a bridge. To lay down across the river of hurt that caused us to turn anyway from our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and the wise women in our churches and let the younger women walk across in humility and be met with love and grace.
Can I take your hand today and show you a face a little etched with lines from years lived walking where you’ve been? Can I ask you to look deeply into that face and see the beautiful eyes of compassion that stare back and long to fulfill their mandate to you? Can I place your hand in hers? Will you surrender to its kind grasp and let wounds be filled in with grace?
If you are like me this isn’t just the sweet encouraging blog post but rather a heart ripping reminder that we are broken and that we need healing. God’s heart is to heal. Would you stand with me today to be a bridge between the “younger” woman and the “older” woman? Will you quietly put your name in the comments if you will commit to laying down your pride and acknowledging the heart of God for us to live in unity and His perfect plan to help those of us younger women by giving us older, wiser women to teach us and lead us with grace?
I have been touched as well by the # of responses you have gotten that confirm my experience. My son and I were talking today about the folks I met at Allume. I mentioned you and this blog and how the term ‘the beautiful deep’ keeps resonating in my head and heart. I have some ideas I’m percolating on re how we might network to bridge that gap. Like you, I feel blessed that we crossed paths and believe the Lord has a purpose far beyond what we could have foreseen. Or I sure hope so! Stay in touch, and I’ll do the same!
Carol Anne recently posted..Nights Like These – A Parent’s Lament
Dear, sweet Kristin,
I have been going through my Allume business cards today and came across yours. When I did, I pulled out my prayer journal and again turned to the page that contains your note to me. Imagine my lovely, humbling surprise in coming across this post on your site. You know how to make an ‘old lady’ weep. I am so deeply (no pun intended) grateful that the Lord allowed me to take that seat to your left. In truth, I was feeling just like you, slightly out of place…ok a whole lot out of place. Thank you for quickly and warmly putting me at ease. I so look forward to keeping up with you via your blog and twitter. You gave me a glimpse of the beautiful deep and what a wonderful gift! Hugs across the miles, your fraidy cat friend!
Hi Carol Anne, I’m SO glad you found this post! I was going to email you but just hadn’t had a chance yet. Our encounter was truly a “God thing” and I am continuing to seek Him about how to bridge the gap between the older and younger women. So many other women have also told me that this touches a place in their heart and they want to overcome this issue together.
You are a gem and I feel blessed to have met you! I look forward to getting to know you via blog land! Many blessings, Kristin
I really really needed to hear this. So convicting. Thank you.
Aprille recently posted..Embracing Grace: My PWOC Story
You’re so welcome Aprille! I pray that many of us will work together to make a difference with this issue. Blessings, Kristin
Yes!! This post reflects a yearning I’ve had in my heart for years. I’ve been a young pastor’s wife for just 7 years, but early on I found myself intensely craving a mentor…only to find that many, many women just weren’t interested in doing it- it was like they had nothing to give. Or was it that no one ever asked? I don’t know, but I determined then and there to grow spiritually so that I could BE a mentor to girls/teens, etc. and someday when I’m ‘old’ to women who are younger. Mentoring is such a lost art- but it’s a two way street. Thanks for this great reminder!
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Beautifully spoken. Thank you . Tara
Thank you for this confirmation. I am speaking to my church women’s group on this very topic on Saturday {prayers!} and I hope to begin a more formal mentoring process with the older ladies and younger ones. God has also laid these things on my heart from Allume. This spirit of community and breaking down our fears so that we can all be relevant to each other and mentor each other…it’s important to me. Glad you feel this need too!
It was great having breakfast that one morning with you at my table! Your light shines!
Thank you Jennifer! Praying for you right this moment. Praying that God’s Spirit goes before you to prepare hearts to hear truth. I love how God moves on our hearts as a body and when we are obedient to do our part we see real change begin. Blessings! Kristin
Thank you! Beautiful! Perfect!
Kristen,
How insightful your post is. It is the reason my sister-in-law and I created My Purpose Now, to show women just because you are 50+ we are relevant, we are not past tense. We found the Church wants us to mentor the younger women but so many “experienced” women had lost their purpose. We want to help women find their new purpose so we can mentor the younger generation.
Hi Karen, What a great thing you and your sister-in-law are doing. I’d love to hear more about My Purpose Now. Is it a local church ministry or nationwide?
Wow! I am so convicted here…and thankful for your challenge!
Hi Lindsey, I’m still trying to figure out how to practically put this all into action. Glad that it struck a chord in your heart too. Together we can make a difference. Blessings, Kristin
We are a generation of experts on everything. It indeed is pride that squelches the humility to listen. It’s also the complacency of some of those who at older in the church, that keeps them focused on “collecting seashell”, as Piper puts it, instead of making ever last years out for the kingdom. We truly must bridge the gap with Him who is unchangeable through the ages.
I so agree with you Ruth! We need to come together on both fronts. Willing hearts is the first step. Both sides have to be willing and then we will see amazing things happen. I’m still seeking God for how to do this practically. I think this issue needs a lot of attention to promote any kind of change.
I came across this post because my sister-in-law re-tweeted it on twitter :) Beautiful words of truth… thank you for sharing.
Anna Radchenko @ Here Am I recently posted..31 Days to Intimate Prayer: Day 31
Thank you for stopping by and for your comment Anna!
Kristin,
This was so heavy on me during Sally’s keynote that I had to go speak to here. I’m at such an odd junction not knowing which side to be on that I think I’m called to be in the middle. Not a lot of 42 year olds that have been married as long as I, but. are trying to figure out the whole toddler/preschool thing the first time
Amy Tilson recently posted..Allume Recap: What I’ve Learned Thus Far
Hi Amy, yes this is where many women seem to find themselves lately. I am in the opposite boat as I was married really young and kids followed very soon after. So I’ve been married for 15 years and have 6 kids ages 14 and under. We both can counsel younger women and need older women to counsel us in our unique journeys.
I loved this♥
Diane recently posted..This other awesome thing that happened on my Summer Vacation
I couldn’t agree more!! Many of my friends are older women that I look up to and learn from. If it wasn’t for an older women, I probably wouldn’t have had the courage to have 5 kids and homeschool them–because she encouraged me that I could do it–and she was already doing it, and doing it well, so I believed her.
Though Sally Clarkson and I live hundreds miles apart, she is a mentor from afar of mine that I adore and learn from.
But, I agree that we can have these walls built up when really there is so much treasure to be found in these women! They are supportive because they know how much we need it.
Christin @ Joyful Mothering recently posted..How I Manage Blogging and my Business with Mothering and Homeschooling
Isn’t it such a beautiful thing when we are open to the counsel and do recognize our need and the beauty of lives that have gone before us? You are a great example of what more women need to be doing by learning from other, older, women. Thank you for sharing Christin!
Dear Kristen,
Thanks for sharing your heart with us..Very Good. God bless you as you continue your journey of life encouraging other women to follow God’s heart.
Love and Prayers’
Esther
Yes and amen.
Kristin,
This was fantastic! I am convicted by the idea that we neglect the wise women in our lives. How easily we walk away from their wisdom, the experience! Thank you for sharing your heart. My heart breaks with you.