Ughhh! What an ugly title. How could I even admit that there might be a time when it was hard to like one of my kids or think there may have been a time when you didn’t like your child?
But it happens.
I know because I’ve been through it for brief periods of time and I’ve talked to many other moms who agonized over going through it. It doesn’t mean we EVER stop loving our kids but do we always like them?
Sometimes it’s hard.
I have to stop right here for a moment and say that I love and adore my 6 children so very much. They are each amazing creations. AND I really like each one of them. I truly do. However, there have been times when I’ve struggled with liking certain ones of them. This especially happens during really tough parenting seasons.
I believe that God has shown me the reason why and how to handle it and it goes a hand in hand with yesterday’s post about shame and guilt. So, let’s chat about why a mom might go through a period of time not liking her child.
It’s hard to like your own failure and not liking your child may be because your own failure is staring you in the face.
Pour on the guilt and shame.
It may be that you have a child who just doesn’t listen…at all, or they forget as soon as you say it? Perhaps they are overweight? Maybe they fight with you and others all. of. the. time? Maybe their attitude is always selfish? Maybe they see things differently than you or just don’t see their need for salvation or humility?
I don’t know about you but in each one of those situations I see my own failure reflecting back in my face. Because of my failure to parent them with perfect understanding that cures them of these issues, I have failed and it’s ugly.
Their ugly stares back at me as my own failure.
The truth is that it may not really be a failure on our part. Just because being a mom is hard does not mean you are doing it wrong {I tell myself this over and over}. Letting go of your fear, guilt and shame over these areas and turning them over to the only One who can move your child’s heart just may be the key to overcoming dislike.
Let me encourage you for just a minute by saying that not liking my child for even a brief time grieves my heart and drives me to my knees and God has always answered my prayers to restore my liking of them. It’s not ever hopeless and, in fact, I believe that God restores back, in a much fuller measure, joy in a relationship that previously seemed strained and frustrating.
So, let me ask you, if you are struggling with liking your child right now, is there something they do that touches a place in you that feels like your own failure? Can you surrender that thing to your perfect Heavenly Father and ask Him to heal that place in you that holds shame and guilt? Ask Him to let you see your child through His eyes and to change your heart towards them. I promise you He will answer your prayer.
In light of all that we have been discussing in this series, do you believe that you are walking in deeper freedom and are on your way toward becoming an excellent mom? I certainly feel challenged and excited by what God is doing in my heart. I continue to pray for you and your journey!
WOW…you took the words right out of my head and onto paper. I feel a heavy burden lifted as I soak up every word while God softens my heart. We have really awesome children, we love them both with our heart & soul, both contain unique qualities in their own way, both A-B students, they both love Jesus with all their might but somedays they drive me and my husband bonkers, too! I prayed the other night asking Him to let US see our children through His eyes to change our heart toward them. Thank you for touching base on a very sensative topic….love your heart Kristin
Thanks Kristen, Wish I had had an opportunity to read wisdom like this earlier in my motherhood career. Still, it is a timely word for the parent of a 35-year old. Someone encouraged us to stay in the relationship when it was hard, or else I might have resigned. I am glad to say the guilt and shame are very in-frequent visitors now. We are astounded at all God is doing in our son’s life. AND in ours. Bravo for speaking into the lives of younger mothers.
Just what I needed! I totally understand every feeling you describe here and I’m sure many others do as well. No need to overly explain it either. ;-) My son is 3 1/2 and has been driving me bonkers lately. Oddly enough, with everything you mentioned as to why you are not always liking yours. I feel like you spoke my thoughts back to me where the failures are concerned. Thanks so much! Good luck to all of us!