Today we are continuing with day 6 in our becoming an excellent {not perfect} mother series. This is part 2 of “Becoming Whole.” If you missed yesterday’s post I encourage you to go back and read it before moving on.
We are going to discuss how our moms raised us and the part that might play in our lives as mothers now. Just like our dads, even the best moms are not perfect and we may need to address hurts or judgements that we made as a result of the way they parented us.
Before I go on I want to say that I know this is a sensitive and potentially heavy topic. It is this way mostly because we ARE mothers. It’s hard to talk about how we were mothered without looking at our own mothering and seeing all of the ways that we fall short and could injure our children’s well being. But there is no condemnation for us who are in Christ and God has the ability to make all things new. We have to allow Him to be just as big in our children’s lives as their protector and healer as He is for us. So please let yourself go to the place of addressing your own wounds without guilt or shame. The enemy can keep you stuck if you cannot get past how you have mothered in the past.
To show you how important it is for us to deal with our wounds let me share a quote with you from Jan Greenwood’s book Women at War:
“A woman who’s been wounded by her mother—whether intentionally or not—will have a tendency to wound her children. Even if she understands that her parenting style is negatively affecting her family, she will have a difficult time behaving any differently, simply because that’s the only way she knows. She’s trapped in a cycle of hurt.”
So how do we get out of the hurt? First, we need to identify it. Like I shared yesterday about our dads, your mom may have been wonderful but perhaps there were some ways that she didn’t meet all of your needs. Maybe she didn’t have it in her to show you affection when your love language is physical touch? Perhaps she was often busy and didn’t have much time to spend with you? Or she might of been a product of a really bad home life herself and therefore was abusive and needy.
I would encourage you to take some time to talk to God today about how you were mothered. Allow God to meet needs in your heart that may never have been met. The Holy Spirit has the characteristics of a perfect mother – warm, comforting, full of affection and love for you, gentle, kind, gracious… He can minister to those places where you are lacking and speak the truth to your heart. He can nurture you so that you can learn to nurture your own children the way God intended for mothers to nurture.
Also, take time today to forgive your mom for any hurts she may have cause you. You want to begin to shut any door that the enemy has to influence your heart and affect your own mothering.
Simply reading this post is not going to meet these deep needs for healing. Please do take time to talk to God about your hurts, asking Him to show you truth and heal you.
I’m praying for you today as you seek to be whole. May God bless you richly as you allow Him to work in your heart.
P.S. The book I mentioned in this post, Women at War by Jan Greenwood, is an incredible book for dealing with any kind of woman wounds you have had in your life and it will leave you feeling empowered to take on your real enemy and be whole again. I highly recommend it!
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